The interesting thing about the sex we’re not getting is—unlike sex everyone is NOT talking about it. The people who are having sex are constantly talking about “getting it in”. It’s in most of the popular music, on mainly every TV show and don’t even get me started about the innanets [internet]. Pop culture glorifies sex so much now, that it seems to be taboo to talk about not having sex. People who are not getting it in are seemingly made to feel ashamed they’re not a part of this century’s sexual revolution, it’s like we’re aliens or something.
Here’s the real tea though, those people who have decided to be celibate are not just a bunch of prudes. We are thoughtful individuals who care more about our overall well-being and not giving in to the poor physical standards society stamped on relationships. We’re really just not interested in sharing ourselves with all these ashy, narcissistic, energy vampires 🤷🏾♀️. Learning who you are and what you’re worth and what you deserve in romantic relationships need to be taken more seriously. When you are allowed to finally take careful consideration of yourself you become less interested in only having meaningless physical connections. The thing that is most important to understand in this season of celibacy is honoring the connection between the mind, spirit and the body.
The countdown felt like this: hours turned to days, days into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. Eventually you just stop counting and you begin to find your purpose and are able to focus your attention towards getting more in tune with your hearts desire and the things you need to work towards for a better life. You will have more time to direct your energy to something you believe in, pick up a new hobby or lean in and learn to appreciate other relationships with family and friends that are not steeped in romantic affairs. The time that you spend not focusing on the sex you’re not getting will begin to feel good and your investment in other areas of your life will allow you to grow and flourish as an individual. It’s important to understand that celibacy isn’t necessarily meant to repress your sexuality, but to allow you to learn to balance and honor your temple despite the baggage or trauma that may have come against on your life’s journey.
This journey has been an inconsistent labor of love for me, when I choose celibacy, the desire for sex didn’t just magically disappear, it is a conscious decision I make EVERYDAY to maintain my sense of peace and discipline over my sexual impulses. Over the years I have gone into bouts where I’d be celibate between relationships and though I’ve always meant well; I realized that me being celibate was more about protecting me from getting hurt than anything else. I’ve had conversations with a few people who had been celibate prior to marriage and they admitted to me, that trying to stick with their commitment to be celibate was hard especially because they KNEW that the person they were with would be their life partner “for better or worse”. It just seemed like the more time they spent together it became to hard to maintain [all the time] so they’d have sex maybe once a month.
Realistically sometimes you can be 100% successful with maintaining your celibacy and sometimes you get weak, this does NOT make you a failure, this does not make you a liar because this is YOUR personal journey. It doesn’t change the fact that you really are committed to the ultimate goal, sometimes it’s just a reality check that we’re human and we are allowed the space to self correct. The only thing holding you back from staying true and being consistent is YOU. If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll notice that I don’t too much beat you over the head with religious talk about celibacy, that is on purpose. This movement is not to make you ashamed of sex or to cause you to disconnect from being a sexual being , but to love yourself more.
