How to Become Celibate
There are some people who believe that being abstinent and being celibate are two very different things. A lot of times when it comes to thinking about celibacy there is an instant connection to religion that seems to get peoples minds in a tizzy. Both distinctions mean to abstain from sexual intercourse, but with celibacy there is the reason behind the notion that people sometimes forget to acknowledge and that is, CELIBACY IS A CHOICE. When I became celibate it was mainly because I believed NO ONE deserved me. I LOVED sex but I also loved me more than allowing someone to get into my head and manipulate my feelings all for my “cookie”. I had been hurt far too many times and I wanted to be sure I knew how to love myself before I let anyone else in.
When you first make the determination that you will be celibate it might be hard to get over the no physical intimacy hump, then you’re celibate for a while and it gets much easier. I can’t say when it gets easier because it will be different for everyone. I do KNOW there are times you will get overwhelmed with your flesh and you’ll feel like you deserve to have a physical intimate connection with another human. The desire gets really intense! It’s like you begin to question yourself and rethink the whole commitment—and that desire runs DEEP!!! However, if you have a strong enough intention and purpose for your decision to be celibate than the temporary impulses in your body, celibacy can and will work for you!
HOW CAN I BECOME CELIBATE?
Make a commitment to yourself.
KNOW the reason you are choosing this path. Whether it be religious, spiritual cleansing, or practicing mindfulness and switching directions on a path that was leading you to internal/external chaos, IT IS YOUR CHOICE!
Change your focus. Eliminate a lot of the outside noise that doesn’t sit right within your spirit. You will know right away what things do not serve you well on your new journey. You may even lose some friends along the way who may not be supportive of your change. That’s ok…everyone can’t go with you on your self-love [self preservation] journey.
Avoid putting yourself in sticky situations that can lead you to be tempted beyond control.
Start a meditating/prayer/workout routine that allows you to clear your mind and work on goals you have set for yourself.
“YOU’RE TEMPLE, YOUR CHOICE”!
Who's Really Celibate in 2019?
"I rededicated my focus on the purpose intended for me to fulfill and in return I lost people who did not understand my position”…
It seems so foreign to people when you tell them that you’re celibate, they look at you like you’re an alien. What I’ve learned is that as you journey through life, everything that is important is based on experiences that have helped shape your perspective. When I began openly talking about making “Celibacy Is the New Black” into movement, a lot of listeners were open to it. Then as I began to ask if people wanted to contribute their stories some people began to shy away. A lot of people are evolving daily into the people they want to be and how they want to be perceived in private and in the public. Sometimes this journey we’re on teaches us hard lessons about life and how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. Sometimes the lessons are easier than others, but one thing for sure is life is what we make it, our choices are ours and ours alone.
Recently I had the opportunity to connect with 3 women who were open to share their stories on celibacy and why it works for them in this day and age of sex seemingly being the only thing that matters in the world [well, at least that’s what pop culture tells us].
Consuela
Jonesboro, GA
28
Celibate Since July 2018
My decision was based on me having a conversation with God right before my 28th birthday. I asked Him why couldn't I be married by 28 with more kids and He exposed the areas in my life that still needed work on. My focus then became on becoming whole before I become a wife. God revealed to me that my husband would not be my savior, he would only be an addition to grow with what's already been placed in me. I rededicated my focus on the purpose intended for me to fulfill and in return I lost people who did not understand my position but gain more people who would pour into me when I didn't understand my position or when I couldn't see my "why" in doing what I was placed here to do.
The feeling of inadequacy and the need of dependency of man has been taken away and peace, self love and understanding were restored like never before. My decision to become celibate liberated me into becoming who I am. It allowed my true identity to become what is seen, while teaching me awareness and true love of myself. I would not sacrifice or compromise it for anything.
Maria
Detroit, MI
38
Celibate 3 1/2 years
What was your decision to be celibate?
I was in an abusive relationship. I did not realize until I was talking about it with someone that he used to rape me, I did not think of it as rape at the time because we were in a relationship. Sex has always meant to be had between two people that care for one another not used as a bargaining chip. After that relationship I wanted to take sometime to get me back and reflect on what I want from future partners.
What has been the takeaway for celibacy in your life?
I have rediscovered who I am and fell in love with me again. I used to think if a man wanted to have sex with you it meant he loved or loves you and that would validate me. By not having sex with my partner or making him wait shows that he loves and respects me and that is what I want in a future mate.
Jaz
27
Southfield, MI
It’ll be an official year come May 2019👏🏼🙌🏼 soo 9 months!
Decision to be Celibate: My values are higher than my lustrous desires. (& when I find myself in dire need that’s when toys come out to play 🤷🏻♀️)
Biggest outcome: Authentically knowing yourself without major distractions and building discipline is an amazing lifestyle to me. My goal is to reward my significant other when I truly feel the time is right. Having that authority and to be put on a pedestal partially because of that, is an amazingly beautiful feeling and keeps me empowered as woman.