Frustrated AF!

I’m on one today—I’m sincerely trying to stay focused on maintaining my balance.

In my mind I’m staring at him...who is “him”??? He is a taste I’ve been longing for, the physical manifestation of the mental picture I’ve built in my mind over the past few years. I’m thinking I want him to talk nice to me, talk sweet and talk dirty.

Look Sis—I’m celibate NOT dead and the struggle is REAL! It’s real because I’d been trying to eliminate thinking about sex entirely (for the record this doesn’t work nor is thinking about it actually a bad thing) but, alas I am a sexual being and all the energy I’ve been harnessing has been begging me for a release. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty about fantasizing or thinking about sex…the trick is to learn to have CONTROL over your desires.

See, I already know this song and dance and the storyline of when you get physically tangled with someone you’re not in alignment with. When you’re not in alignment with the other person it is easy to lose focus of the path you’re supposed because your core values for life and love are are not set up the same. It’s so easy to get fixated on the physical pleasure and then it begins to seep into your spirit...I’m NOT about that life. It’s all fun and games until you are soul tied with an ill intended soul; the exchange of energy is real and being tied with that negative energy will have you f*cked up. This energy is considered negative because it is working against you and not for you.

“It’s important to note that our creations and sexual energy manifest in the same way within our body, meaning they are one source. When our creational energy is not being used and becomes temporarily dormant within us our sexual energy becomes dominant within us.” -Victoria Leanna

I must shift my focus into other areas of my life because the more I focus on these things the less my flesh will have to cling onto. That’s why on this journey I gotta make the best choices for myself, the onus is on me. I know the right thing for me right now is to be still and put my thoughts on my higher self and realign myself with my God and where I’m going with my life. These urges are strong AF though and the only thing real about me resisting the urges is I want what’s mine. I’m not willing to give in to temporary gratification with someone who doesn’t have my best interests at heart. I don’t want a friend with “benefits”, I am the benefit! I’m a WHOLE INVESTMENT!!!

Thinking Of a Master Plan

So I’m really doing this [deep breath].

First and foremost I have to take my own advice to just “GO”, PERIODT! 

I’d been thinking of a master plan for way too long; once I started putting the wheels in motion and planning everything seemed possible and the ideas were pouring out of my head like a running faucet. My ambition to build this brand was originally about my journey and my mistakes and my ability to evolve, grow, love myself. Then it started to become about how I could help others who may be or who’ve  been in the same mental space. 

What’s the big deal, everybody has sex? What you do with your body is such a personal choice, which is why when I came up with this idea I knew I’d make some people uncomfortable. Who’d of thought talking about celibacy would ruffle feathers? 

All of a sudden things felt scary and my ideas were too big and too against the grain for my present space. All big, scary and hypocritical...my hopes and dreams for what I was building seemed so far away and felt so unattainable...so I began to take a step back. I know that this journey is my own and it won’t look like anyone else’s so why am I coming down so hard on myself?

Celibacy is the new Black is a movement honoring the mind, body and spirit. A brand about inspiring the people that wear it to believe in their convictions and to make positive choices for themselves. In today’s society celibacy is the last thing on people’s minds. I want to help people realize that waiting for the right time to be intimate with someone is not a negative thing. Stay tuned there’s more to come!

Who wants to join the movement?