Who's Really Celibate in 2019?
"I rededicated my focus on the purpose intended for me to fulfill and in return I lost people who did not understand my position”…
It seems so foreign to people when you tell them that you’re celibate, they look at you like you’re an alien. What I’ve learned is that as you journey through life, everything that is important is based on experiences that have helped shape your perspective. When I began openly talking about making “Celibacy Is the New Black” into movement, a lot of listeners were open to it. Then as I began to ask if people wanted to contribute their stories some people began to shy away. A lot of people are evolving daily into the people they want to be and how they want to be perceived in private and in the public. Sometimes this journey we’re on teaches us hard lessons about life and how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. Sometimes the lessons are easier than others, but one thing for sure is life is what we make it, our choices are ours and ours alone.
Recently I had the opportunity to connect with 3 women who were open to share their stories on celibacy and why it works for them in this day and age of sex seemingly being the only thing that matters in the world [well, at least that’s what pop culture tells us].
Consuela
Jonesboro, GA
28
Celibate Since July 2018
My decision was based on me having a conversation with God right before my 28th birthday. I asked Him why couldn't I be married by 28 with more kids and He exposed the areas in my life that still needed work on. My focus then became on becoming whole before I become a wife. God revealed to me that my husband would not be my savior, he would only be an addition to grow with what's already been placed in me. I rededicated my focus on the purpose intended for me to fulfill and in return I lost people who did not understand my position but gain more people who would pour into me when I didn't understand my position or when I couldn't see my "why" in doing what I was placed here to do.
The feeling of inadequacy and the need of dependency of man has been taken away and peace, self love and understanding were restored like never before. My decision to become celibate liberated me into becoming who I am. It allowed my true identity to become what is seen, while teaching me awareness and true love of myself. I would not sacrifice or compromise it for anything.
Maria
Detroit, MI
38
Celibate 3 1/2 years
What was your decision to be celibate?
I was in an abusive relationship. I did not realize until I was talking about it with someone that he used to rape me, I did not think of it as rape at the time because we were in a relationship. Sex has always meant to be had between two people that care for one another not used as a bargaining chip. After that relationship I wanted to take sometime to get me back and reflect on what I want from future partners.
What has been the takeaway for celibacy in your life?
I have rediscovered who I am and fell in love with me again. I used to think if a man wanted to have sex with you it meant he loved or loves you and that would validate me. By not having sex with my partner or making him wait shows that he loves and respects me and that is what I want in a future mate.
Jaz
27
Southfield, MI
It’ll be an official year come May 2019👏🏼🙌🏼 soo 9 months!
Decision to be Celibate: My values are higher than my lustrous desires. (& when I find myself in dire need that’s when toys come out to play 🤷🏻♀️)
Biggest outcome: Authentically knowing yourself without major distractions and building discipline is an amazing lifestyle to me. My goal is to reward my significant other when I truly feel the time is right. Having that authority and to be put on a pedestal partially because of that, is an amazingly beautiful feeling and keeps me empowered as woman.
I'm giving up...Sex, that is!
I became celibate because I don’t appreciate sex outside of a committed monogamous relationship. I remember thinking I’m just going to give up sex because no one deserves me. No one is worthy of my intimacy, I had been hurt and it was of my own design that I’d gotten to this point—I trusted him, I trusted him. After all I thought he was in love with me, I mean—I was in love with him...but deceit was at the center of our “relationship”. Come to think of it, our “relationship” had no actual foundation I had fooled myself to believe it was real. His lies had to taste real good rolling off those lips. I remember feeling so hurt and so naive when it ended.
WTF, how did I get here? I convinced myself that the only way for me to feel better was to stop interacting with men all together. I told God I wasn’t going to do this again, I wasn’t in a vulnerable place I was in a place where I didn’t trust men anymore. After this relationship had scarred me I decided that I should just be celibate because there’s enough women to go around out here for these men to survive without me in the mix. I’ll just concentrate on God and do some self work and all will be fine.
Thinking Of a Master Plan
So I’m really doing this [deep breath].
First and foremost I have to take my own advice to just “GO”, PERIODT!
I’d been thinking of a master plan for way too long; once I started putting the wheels in motion and planning everything seemed possible and the ideas were pouring out of my head like a running faucet. My ambition to build this brand was originally about my journey and my mistakes and my ability to evolve, grow, love myself. Then it started to become about how I could help others who may be or who’ve been in the same mental space.
What’s the big deal, everybody has sex? What you do with your body is such a personal choice, which is why when I came up with this idea I knew I’d make some people uncomfortable. Who’d of thought talking about celibacy would ruffle feathers?
All of a sudden things felt scary and my ideas were too big and too against the grain for my present space. All big, scary and hypocritical...my hopes and dreams for what I was building seemed so far away and felt so unattainable...so I began to take a step back. I know that this journey is my own and it won’t look like anyone else’s so why am I coming down so hard on myself?
Celibacy is the new Black is a movement honoring the mind, body and spirit. A brand about inspiring the people that wear it to believe in their convictions and to make positive choices for themselves. In today’s society celibacy is the last thing on people’s minds. I want to help people realize that waiting for the right time to be intimate with someone is not a negative thing. Stay tuned there’s more to come!